Loss Loss comes into our lives in many ways, and it affects each of us in different ways. One of the most difficult losses is the death of someone really important to you. Deaths such as suicides, murders, accidents, and other sudden and unexpected deaths can result in complicated grief due to the sudden shock. The surprise makes it difficult to make meaning of the loss.
There are many types of loss where you might experience sadness, confusion and anger. As you will see from the list below, all loss involves separation from someone or something important or relevant to us.
the death of someone you love
the death of a pet
your parents or other important people separating or getting divorced
separation from a parent, both parents and your family
separation from friends or your community
moving away from home or leaving your country
splitting up with your partner
being forced to give up something you want to keep (like your job, your possessions, your child, or your home)
losing your job
leaving school or university
losing the ability to do some things through disability
becoming really sick or seeing someone else become really sick
Even when something happens that appears positive, such as leaving school and starting work, we can experience some feelings of grief for what we've left behind. When we have a loss in our life, we go through reactions of grief. These reactions and feelings are different for everyone. You always feel loss in your own unique way.
Grief When you grieve you may notice some of the following feelings or experiences:
These feelings can happen at any time and for any length of time. You might have more than one at once. You might feel really good one day and awful the next.
Special times like Christmas, birthdays or anniversaries can be challenging. You may return to a feeling and go through it again. Sometimes it can feel worse in the morning, or as you are about to go to sleep. Sometimes you might wonder if you will ever feel normal again.
If you feel stuck or want support in a way that you don’t appear to be receiving, as a therapist experienced in working with loss and grief, I can provide this important understanding and support.
Grief affects everyone differently. Some people don't like to make a fuss; others let everyone know how they are feeling. Men and women are treated differently in our society. This can mean they may express their grief differently. Different cultures and religions see death, loss and grief in different ways. How you express your grief and the meaning you give to loss will be in your own way, based on your own beliefs and view of the world.
Sometimes the rush of emotions can be hard to cope with, and you might do or consider things that can be harmful. You might use drugs and alcohol to try and cover up the pain or make it go away. Unfortunately, this method may just put off or prolong the natural process of grief, as well as doing you harm. You may hurt other people. It's natural to feel angry when you grieve. Anger is sometimes the emotion you show when there are a whole heap of other emotions happening underneath. If you think you've no safe place to express yourself or don't understand what's going on, you might turn anger on other people. However, while anger is a natural emotion, violence is a chosen behaviour. It is important to know that anger can be expressed in a safe way without hurting others.
You might hurt yourself. Choosing to hurt yourself is only one of many choices in expressing your pain and there are many other ways you can choose to express yourself.
If you have chosen any of these things, or feel like you may make one or some of these harmful choices, or just feel stuck in the experience of the loss and grief, please contact me as Somatic Psychotherapy is particularly effective in working with and supporting you through this difficult time.